I was at the ATM the other day and a nice old woman with thick glasses asked me if I wouldn’t mind checking her balance for her. No problem I said… so I got her to stand on leg as I tipped her gently to one side.

This is my joke for next Friday 'cos I may not be around and wouldn't like to disappoint anyone..!!

Did I read that sign right?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A CHILD CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Specially for SBoyce.

Was in a restaurant the other day and asked the waiter… What are the specials. He said… An influential 2 tone ska band from Coventry.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of cows, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?". "Yep", the wife replied, "in-laws".

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a €30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow €30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says.
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone."

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before? 'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like Eric...!!!

That was so bad I need to recover this thread with a quick oneliner.

I opened the bin yesterday and a wasp flew out… what kind of sick person puts a wasp in the bin.

It's so bad I have to laugh